“Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.” Psalm 116:15
Rob and I drove home to Nashville last night. I tried a stint at the wheel, but soon had to tell him to take over because I couldn’t keep my eyes open from exhaustion. The day’s events kept playing in my mind, the most horrific day I have ever experienced.
We said our earthly good-bye to our precious Lukey yesterday. We started out by going into the prayer parlor of the church where his casket was. He was dressed in his little jeans, blue sweater, and matching denim tennis shoes. He lay on a blue blanket with his eyes closed as though he were sleeping. I couldn’t contain my sobs as I looked at his beautiful little face, so still, so sweet, so perfect. I held my sister as we wept together.
“Oh, Lukey,” I whispered, “I can’t believe you are gone from us, sweet baby boy.”
Two-year-old Summer, Luke’s big sister, was lifted up by her daddy to look at Luke as he lay there.
“Ha, Lukey, (Hi, Lukey), wanna hoed you (I want to hold you)!”
Greg sobbed as he told her she wouldn’t be able to do that. She offered a pacifier to her baby brother. I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest with pain as sharp as a knife in my heart.
So many people came to offer comfort to Nic and Greg. Most of the family sat in the front pew of the church with little Luke in front of us. I have never been to a more powerful service. There are several things I will never forget:
*The scream of anguish from Greg as he allowed all of us into his broken daddy’s heart. He was so eloquent, so brave, and so honest in his grief.
*My sister getting on her knees as the congregation sang, “Blessed Be the Name.”
*My inconsolable ten-year-old daughter crying beside me throughout the entire service and me being unable to comfort her.
*The power point showing Luke’s ten weeks here on earth with his baby sister. I will never forget two images that flashed on the screen. The first was of Luke tucked into the arm of his 6 foot 4 inch daddy. Such joy on Greg’s face as he held his son. The second was footage from Audrey’s burial seven weeks ago that showed my sister singing, “Be Still My Soul” with Luke in her arms.
* My sister-in-law, Molly, and my brother, Todd, singing, “Press On.”
*My brother, Jack, singing Fernando Ortega’s “Give Me Jesus.”
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world
But give me Jesus.
When I am alone
When I am alone
When I am alone, give me Jesus.
And when I come to die,
When I come to die,
When I come to die,
When I come to die, give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus.
Copyright 2000 Word Music, Inc. Dejamosolo Music
Words and Music by Fernando Ortega
Jesus, You were there. You are here, no matter what the aching sadness in our hearts would scream at us. Give us Yourself. Nothing but the knowledge of Your presence will comfort our bleeding hearts.
Shawn,
I weep with you guys and I mourn with you. I never met Nicols children but she was that sister figure I needed so dearly in high school and she offered it so freely to Jacki and I. I am getting ready to deliver my second baby boy here in a couple of weeks and the pain that Angie went through and Nicol is now going through weighs so heavy in my daily thoughts. Two of the strongest Christian women I have ever met have been hit where it hurts more then anything, their children, and I wonder why them. I just pray that everything goes according to my plan A with my baby. I am in constant prayer for your family and theirs. I love you guys so much and miss you even more. I am so glad to see that you all are doing things that bring you in touch with others so you can minister to them like you did me. I love you guys.
Megan
Shawn,
My heart is breaking for your family right now. Yesterday, as I listened to Nicol, Todd & Allen singing “If We Never Meet Again” and “I Need Thee Every Hour” I was comforted because I know your family’s faith is strong enough to sustain them. I know God has one hand underneath them to lift them up and the other hand over them to protect them.
Philippians 4:7 has always been one of my favorite verses – particularily the “passeth all understanding” part – there are times when peace seems impossible, when there is really no reason for us to feel at peace, that’s when we realize it can only come from God.
Lifting you up in constant prayer . . .
Becky
“And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
Shawn,
I have no more words. No more tears. Just an aching in my heart for all of you. I know God will heal all of you — in time.
But sometimes “time” is our enemy. Too much of it lies before us, gaping and empty without Audrey and Luke. And too much before you will see them again in heaven.
I’m praying for all of you, that God will wrap his arms around you all and give you the comfort that only He can provide.
All my love and prayers,
-karen l.